What i really want
by Hagane
Summary: (MitRuMit) He tried picking up the pieces after a painful betrayal, and found it wasn't that hard to do. Because he'd loved someone else more.


Title: What I really want

Author: Hagane ^^\/

Rating: G

Genre: tell me… is this angst or just plain FLUFF? @-@

Pairing: RuMit (yesh….Ru as seme……….NYAHAHHAHA!!!!)

Disclaimer: both boys are mine. MWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHH!!!! XD

A/n: okay, now that you know I've gone off my rocker (finally! I've been handling myself quite admirably all this while, ne??), I can really, truly and safely, declare myself legally insane. 

"Oi."

"Sempai?"

Mitsui settled himself next to the boy, staring straight ahead,

"What's up?"

"The sky."

A wry smile appeared on his face, but still he avoided the other's eyes.

"You can joke." He stated plainly.

"Yeah." Was the dull reply.

Mitsui tilted his face up so he could bask in the sunshine.

"It's nice out today, don't you think so?" he commented, eyes closed.

         "Un." Came the non-committed reply.

         "Perfect weather for basketball don't you think?" he remarked conversationally.

         "Un."

         "Playing later?"

         "Maybe."

         "Maybe?" Mitsui cracked open an eye. "What's wrong with you?"

         "Nothing."

         At this, Mitsui snapped his head towards his junior, eyeing the other boy skeptically.

         "You sure you're all right? You didn't like, bust your head or something?"

         A careful shake of the head.

         "Oooookkkayyyyy…"

         Mitsui decided to let it go and stood up.

         "Sempai?"

         "I want more sun." and he walked to the center of the rooftop and lay on his back, smiling contentedly as the sun warmed him up very nicely.

         Several minutes later, Rukawa joined him.

         "You sure you want to do this? What with you being narcoleptic and all……" drawled Mitsui lazily.

         Rukawa shrugged. 

         "……fine. Suit yourself."

         They both stared up at the cloudless sky.

         "So….you wanna talk about it?" asked Mitsui gently.

         There was no immediate response from the other boy, so he took it that he didn't.

         "I see….never mind then." He sighed inwardly, more than a little disappointed.

         "I hate Sendoh."

         "What?" Mitsui sat up abruptly. The words had been spoken so softly hw swore it must have just been the wind.

         "I hate Sendoh."

         "Oh."

         "I hate the d'aho also."

         "Sakuragi, Rukawa. Say his name."

         "Fine. I hate Sakuragi."

         Mitsui sighed.

         "I hate the world."

         "Me too Rukawa." Mitsui agreed, a trace of bitterness evident in his voice.

         "…You do?" asked the boy, surprised.

         "Of course I do," Mitsui lay back down again, arms tucked behind his head as he stared up at the sky. "I mean, what's not to hate? My life sucks."

         "It doesn't."

         "Yeah? How would you know?"

         "I…..just….know…"

         Mitsui snorted. :Sure. My life's a fairy tale while yours stinks, eh?"

         Rukawa nodded, completely ignorant of the dripping sarcasm in his sempai's voice.

         "Fuck. You think you have it so bad just cos you got dumped by a guy who never really loved you." Mitsui turned his head to scrutinize the younger boy. "Well, I hate to break this to you, but that's just pathetic. Get over it already."

         He felt Rukawa tense up next to him.

         "There's not much you can do about it now. The fact remains. Reality says that Sakuragi chose Sendoh over you. Move on already."

         He recognized that cold, icy feeling that Rukawa was now emanating.

         "It's not like you to mope around for so long don't you think? You're not even playing properly now. You're letting this affect your performance."

         Mitsui suppressed a shiver as Rukawa shot him his trademark Ice Glare©.

         "And, quite frankly, this isn't the Rukawa I know."

         "And how would you know?" the boy cut in, his voice cold, flat, and yet….almost, accusing.

         "I just do." Came the off-hand reply.

         "What do you care?"

         "I don't." 

         "Hnn." Rukawa turned away so his sempai couldn't see how the words stung. It hurt him to have his sempai so close….yet so…….impossibly far. It hurt to know that he'd never have him.

         Mitsui crossed his legs. Then uncrossed them.

         "You really loved him didn't you?" he asked quietly.

         Rukawa was caught off-guard by the question. He only nodded his head slightly. _'You'll never guess how much, sempai.'_

"Oh well. Sometimes, love just isn't meant to be."

         "What are you saying?" Rukawa narrowed his eyes. 

         "Nothing. I'm not saying anything."

         They both watched as a flock of birds flew by.

         "Sempai."

         "What?"

         "Have you ever…."

         "Hell yeah. I get depressed all the time. To the point of being suicidal. But nah, I've never really gotten upset enough to consider mutilating myself. Though," he mused, "I'm still trying to get over the fact that…." he blinked, "FUCK! Why the hell am I telling you all this?"

         Rukawa felt the corners of his mouth tug upwards.    

         "No. I was going to ask if you've even been in love." He whispered.

         "Oh. That." Mitsui fell silent.

         Another flock of birds flew by. Mitsui watched lazily as one surged ahead, before it was soon joined by another. And another. 

         "Well, that depends on how you define love. I may or may not have been in love," he shrugged, finally.

         "Huh?"

         Mitsui grinned. "It means, Rukawa, that I have no idea what love is."

         "Oh." Then, "Why?"

         "Why?" Mitsui chuckled, almost bitterly. "Look at me Rukawa. No, really, LOOK at me. Do you see anything in me to love? Do you think I can love?"

         "Yes." _'You don't know yourself do you?'_

         "Well shit. The only thing that ever mattered to me was basketball. Even with Tetsuo and the boys, I thought of nothing but the damned orange ball. Do you think I have time to love?"

         "You love basketball."

         "Like hell I do! That's the only thing I love!"

         "I love basketball."

         "I know you do."

         "… … … … "

         "Would it be too much to ask if…." Mitsui hesitated, "Um, forget it. Never mind."

         Rukawa looked over at him curiously.

         "I said never mind. It's nothing."

         A raised eyebrow.

         Mitsui sighed. "NOTHING, Rukawa. NOTHING."

         The boy shrugged.

         A plane glided past.

         "Why are you here sempai?" asked Rukawa.

         "Why can't I be here?" argued Mitsui.

         "Why."

         "Do I need a reason to be somewhere?" countered Mitsui, somewhat annoyed.

         "Yes."

         "Fuck off."

         "… … …"

         "Hey…" Mitsui sniffed. "Is it wrong to show some concern to a friend?"

         "Concern?"

         "You know….care…..worry….?" asked Mitsui.

         "Yes." Rukawa resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

         "Hah."

         "Why do you care?"

         "I….don---" Mitsui faltered at his defense, sighed then, "because you're my team mate? And we're friends?" _'And…..'_

"Friends?"

         "You know, comrades, pals, compadres….."

         "I know what friends are." Snapped Rukawa irritably.

         "You do?" Mitsui feigned surprise. 

         Rukawa narrowed his eyes at him.

         "Well, I was a bit worried about you. You haven't really been your usual cold self lately. You've been really….off….really out of it."

         "You were….worried about me?" repeated Rukawa dumbly. He refused to acknowledge the hope that suddenly surged through him, lending him warmth.

         "Yes." Mitsui frowned. "Is that so hard to believe? That Mitsui Hisashi can actually show concern?" 

         "No, no…It's not that," Rukawa shook his head slowly, almost giddy with lightheadedness. "Why?"

         "Must there always be a 'why' with you?" Mitsui scowled.

         "Intelligent people ask questions." Was the matter-of-fact reply.

         "Screw you."

         "Okay."

         Rukawa kicked himself mentally. How the hell did that slip out?

         Mitsui stared at him as if he'd suddenly grown two heads.

         "You all right? The sun's not frying your brain is it?"

         "……I'm fine."

         They were silent awhile.

         "So….Do you miss him?"

         "The d'aho?"

         "Sakuragi." Mitsui corrected.

         "Sakuragi?" repeated Rukawa, frowning slightly.

         "Yes. Do you miss him?"

         "A little." _'Hell, a lot.'_

         "Man, you guys really had something going you know."

         "I know."

         Mitsui raised an eyebrow.

         "I *do* know." Rukawa pointed out.

         "Fine." Mitsui shrugged yet again. He sighed. "Do you feel better now?"

         "No."

         Mitsui winced. "Well at least I don't have to worry about you lying. Subtle aren't you?" he grinned suddenly. "Hell, I never was good at consoling anyhow/ Just thought maybe I'd give it a shot."

         "Arigatou sempai."

         "I didn't help. No thanks deserved."

         "For caring."  
         Mitsui threw him a lopsided, careless grin. "Oh. Well. That. everyone cares, Rukawa. We're all here if you need us." He turned away. "You don't have to go through life alone you know."

         "I…..know…."

         "Good." Mitsui sat up, slowly getting to his feet and studiously avoiding Rukawa's eyes. "Now that we've cleared things up a bit, I guess my work here is done. I'll see you around."

         He took a step forward.

         "Sempai."

         "Yes?"

         "Don't go."

         "Why not?"

         "Why yes?"

         "Why why even? You're a pest you know that?" 

         Rukawa smiled inwardly.

         "What is it you wanted?" he asked.

         "What?" asked Mitsui, cocking his head to one side, confused.

         "You came here expecting something."

         "I wasn't. Anyway, I won't be getting it anyhow."

         "How can you be so sure?"

         "I'm always sure."

         "What if you're wrong?" Rukawa's heart was pounding madly in his chest.

         Mitsui froze. Slowly, he turned around.

         "I'm *never* wrong." His gaze was steady, challenging.

         "There's a first time for everything." Replied Rukawa softly, lowering his eyes.

         "What are you trying to say?"

         "This." He reached forward to grab his sempai's hand, and pulled the boy down to him, so their lips met.

         "What the hell Rukawa?" gasped Mitsui, blushing furiously when they broke apart.

         "Actions speak louder than words."

         "A bit drastic don't you think?"

         "Are you complaining?" Rukawa raised a finely-arched eyebrow.

         "Nope. Not me," grinned Mitsui, as the other boy grabbed him for another kiss.

-o-

         "So that's it….? We're now….us?" asked Mitsui as the made their way to the gym together.

         Rukawa nodded. "Wasn't this what you wanted in the first place?"

         Mitsui had the grace to blush.

~Owari~

That's it. Pretty lame but hell. 

I wanted a RuMit. I wrote a RuMit. But there is a complete lack of substance here. *starts to cry*

I'm now stuck with several projects underway. I'm concentrating on a KenrenxKonzen fic but……*makes face* 

Oh well. Thanks for reading. ^^ now…. REVIEW!!!! 


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